


For all the love you've left behind (you can have mine)

by robotwitch



Series: Once more for the ages [32]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Gen, Healing, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 18:46:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19301632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotwitch/pseuds/robotwitch
Summary: After their year on the run, settling down with Tommy and Maria isn't that simple for Joel and Ellie.





	For all the love you've left behind (you can have mine)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crossover of Naughty Dog properties, an alternate universe where there is no Cordyceps Brain Infection outbreak and everyone lives. Both the Uncharted and The Last of Us characters are here and very much alive, (eventually) brought together through Cassie and Ellie's chance meeting at summer camp.

It’s only been two days since Joel came back with Ellie, and Tommy’s been trying to keep his nose out of it, but he can’t help wondering what the hell happened to his brother since he showed up at their doorstep last fall.

His head spins when Joel says he’s filing for adoption.

“Joel – you’ve got a record.  No home, no job – they ain’t gonna let you adopt Ellie.  Hell, I’m pretty sure they’re gonna think you abducted her from the orphanage.”

“That’s why I need your help, Tommy.”

“ _My_ help?”  Tommy could faint and for half a moment, he considers telling Joel to fuck off.

Joel rejected and spurned his help with Sarah on the grounds that he was ‘just a kid’.  Like Joel wasn’t ‘just a kid’ himself when he became father.

But this isn’t about them – it ain’t even about Sarah.  It’s about Ellie.

Taking a deep breath, “What do you need?”

They start by cutting up Joel’s fake IDs and registering him and Ellie as a Wyoming state residents, and the countdown to filing begins: sixty days.  Sixty days to get his shit together so he can bring Ellie home for real.

A job is easy enough, so Joel starts there, requesting an unimportant desk job at the plant from Maria.  Tommy side-eyes the conversation as she hesitantly agrees.

Tommy’s brow furrows deeper but waits to ask her about it until later.

“He didn’t ask for a contractor post?  He’s plenty qualified.”

“I offered him one, but he refused.  Claimed there were ‘medical reasons’.”

Snorting, “What medical reasons?”

“I don’t know, Tommy.  I’m not in the habit of prying.  Besides, I was already on the fence about giving him a job – this whole thing reeks of nepotism.”

“I understand, but –”

“I already said, I don’t know.  He’s _your_ brother, _you_ ask him.”

If only it were that easy.  Joel’s just as vague and evasive with Tommy as he was with Maria.

Controlling his frustration, “ _You_ asked for our help and we’re giving it – every way we can.  And I ain’t saying you gotta tell us everything, but you’ve got to give us _something_.”

Tommy instantly regrets insisting Joel explain himself when Joel lifts his shirttails and shows him the wound, but it sparks a host of other questions, Tommy only considers broaching.

Readjusting his shirt, “Told was it wasn’t pretty.”

“Bet that could describe your whole damn trip.”

“Just about.”

While Joel continues to be Joel about matters, Ellie is another curiosity to Tommy entirely.

He likes Ellie; thinks she’s a real spitfire, who knows how to get under his brother’s skin.  And Buckley takes an immediate shine to her, sticking by her side as she explores the woods and the pond at the edge of the property while the rest of them are at work. 

But she’s also been quieter since their return.  Then again, anything might seem more subdued after her outburst at Joel, worthy of one of Tommy’s own.  Still, Joel certainly won’t talk, and Tommy doesn’t know Ellie well enough to pry, but the rest of their year remains a mystery.

Maria tells him not to worry.  Even Sarah thinks Ellie’ll come around again.  But none of their assurances stop him from wondering if maybe Joel didn’t think quite think this through.

God, Tommy wishes the school year was out already so Sarah could be here to walk him through Joel’s bullshit.  But until she’s submitted final grades, Tommy’s on his own.

Barely two weeks into the countdown, Joel finds a small house not too far from theirs, deeper into the mountains.  He takes Ellie to see if she likes it the next afternoon and they come back with a mortgage application and the adoption paperwork.

Both of them laugh it off, that they might as well have it ready to go, but after Ellie goes to bed, Joel stares at the adoption forms like nobody taught him how to read.

Tommy’s suspicions creeping back up, “There a problem?”

“No.  Well – yes, sort of.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know Ellie’s birthday.”

Tommy glances at his brother then at Maria, elbow-deep in her own paperwork, but listening in enough to hear what he hears: Joel doesn’t know a damn thing about this girl.

Gently, Maria suggests, “Why don’t you fill out what you can, and you can ask Ellie about the rest in the morning.”

Joel hunkers down, brow furrowing in concentration, but Tommy’s scratching Buckley’s head more than he hears the scratch of Joel’s pen.

He’s reminded of those nights he was studying for finals while Joel filled out custody forms in triplicate – or something ridiculous like that.  Christine may have walked away without a fuss, but Joel still had to fight like hell in order to keep Sarah.

Tommy supposes he shouldn’t be surprised to see the same determination in Joel now.

Maria turns in first, “I’ve got an early start in the morning.  Goodnight, boys.”

They both mummer, “G’night.”

With a peck on Tommy’s cheek, she retires.

“You really found yourself a good one,” Joel remarks after she’s gone upstairs.

“Got lucky.”

“One of us had to.”

“You got Sarah.”

“Suppose I did.”  There’s a flicker of a smile across his brother’s face.

Tommy knows, for all the other grief it caused him, Joel considers Sarah the best thing that ever happened to him.  Whether or not fatherhood suits him a second time remains to be seen.

Cautiously, Tommy slides the adoption forms away from Joel.  The number of blank spaces is glaring.  “You’re absolutely sure about this?”

Joel exhales, “That bad, huh?”

Shaking his head, “No.  This stuff’s not that important.  What’s important here is Ellie.  So tell me about her.”

“She’s a smart-ass, sticky-fingered kid with a mouth like a truck driver,” he chuckles.  It gets a chuckle out Tommy too as Joel grows contemplative.  “She’s got a good heart and an old soul, but she’s lonely and resilient.  She’s been through hell and come out stronger on the other side.”

It’s a rare thing, Joel articulating his thoughts.  Tommy can only remember a handful of times before, all of them involving Sarah.

Convinced, Tommy slides the form back in front of Joel, “Sounds like she could use a father who’s been there with her.”

Forty-six more days and counting.

\----------

Maria won’t say Tommy didn’t warn her: Joel is not suited to desk work.  The least they can all say is it’s only temporary.

He’s trying, but he is not a quick or efficient clerk.  He’s not inept with technology, but it is clearly not his strong suit, occasionally hearing him grumble at the computer screen.

One morning she catches him neglecting work completely in favor of continuing to fill out the adoption application.  Clearing her throat behind him, Joel puts the forms away refocuses.  He’s lucky he wasn’t caught by somebody else.

There’s a knock on her office door late in the afternoon.

“Come in.”

Her jaw clenches a little when Joel enters.

“I ought to apologize for earlier.”

“Yes, you should,” she says shortly.

“It’s just –”

“I know what it is, Joel, but you’re here as a favor.  I don’t hand out jobs or open my home to just anyone.  And I won’t be taken advantage of like that.”

His face goes ashen, “And I appreciate everything you’ve done for us, Maria, but –”

“But what?  Does it hurt your damn pride to accept help from family?  I know, it’s easy to forget because you missed the wedding and all, but I am family.”

“Sorry – won’t happen again.”

Maria leans back in her chair, still not entirely sure what to make of Joel.

For years, she heard such separate accounts of him from both Tommy and Sarah.  And then he appeared out of nowhere with Ellie in tow, ready to drop her on Tommy and disappear without so much as a second thought.

But he came back with a resolve, the likes of which she’s only seen in Tommy’s desire to do good in the world or Sarah, striving not to let her injury stand in her way.  Life hasn’t been as kind or as easy for them as it was for her, but she’d be hard-pressed to find anyone as determined to keep pushing forward.

“I trust it won’t.”

After that, Maria does what she can to make sure he has the chance to stretch his legs throughout the day.

At home, Maria does what she can to make Ellie comfortable, though her tendency to keep to herself doesn’t exactly make that easy.  But then, Maria thinks, it might just be her Ellie’s avoiding.

 If Ellie’s not off wandering the woods with Buckley, she’s out shooting with Joel.  Tommy even manages to get her to laugh a little, but she’s never anything more than quietly polite to her.

Still, Maria’s committed to find something to draw Ellie out of her shell.

It takes her a little while, but Maria finds the boxes of Sarah’s old clothes in the attic.  She doesn’t recall why she saved them after Sarah moved out, but she doubts Sarah will mind.

Ellie thanks Maria with her usual soft indifference as she sorts through them.  She pulls out everything except the short-sleeved shirts and puts them in the dresser.

“Sorry if they’re not your style.”

“It’s fine,” Ellie mummers.

“Think they’ll fit?”

Shrugging, “Might be a bit big.”

“Yeah, Sarah was a little older than you when she moved in with us, but I imagine you’ll grow into them.”  Maria’s sure Ellie’s already sprung up an inch since she arrived.

Ellie picks up a sweatshirt that reads ‘Boston’ and stares at a long time.

Maria swallows, nervous she’s done something to upset her.  “Something the matter?”

Finally placing it back in the box, “I didn’t choose to leave.  I mean – I always wanted to, but I never thought it’d be like this.”

Even though Tommy’s told Maria everything Joel’s told him, she still doesn’t understand how a fourteen-year-old girl wound up on a mission for the Fireflies.  Maria’s known for a long time their tactics were ruthless, but this was nothing short of cruelty.

She takes an odd sort of comfort in the irony of Marlene’s poor judgement, choosing Joel as Ellie’s protector; never before have the woman’s plans so cataclysmically backfired on her.

Not that she’ll say as much to Ellie; the girl still clings to the notion the Fireflies are a force for good, that Marlene can lead their radical revolution without resorting to violence.

“Marlene never meant for me to be involved in all this.”

Maria’s breath hitches.  “You don’t have to justify her actions.”

Insistent, “But it wasn’t supposed to be me.”

“If it wasn’t you, it would’ve been someone else – someone who might not have seen through her lie.  Someone who might not have made her question what she was doing.”

“You think all this happened for a reason?” she sounds almost frightened by the prospect.

“No, Ellie, I don’t.  I also don’t think it’s worth dwelling on what might’ve been.”

“You sound like Joel.  Telling me it’s not my fault.”

“He ain’t wrong.”  Maria’s unsure if she ought to take the comparison as a compliment, but at least they agree on _something_.

“It doesn’t feel that way,” Ellie sighs and closes up the box.

Maria puts a hand on Ellie’s shoulder; it’s the most familiar gesture Maria’s dared with Ellie, and for a moment, Ellie tenses up.  Maria fears she will brush it off, but then Ellie relaxes.

Trying to lift her spirits, “You know, you’ve got a chance for something not everyone gets.”

She scoffs, “What’s that?”

“A fresh start.  You didn’t choose to leave Boston, you didn’t choose to be Marlene’s puppet, but you can leave that all behind and start again.”

Privately, she thinks of Tommy’s journey, leaving the Fireflies and beginning again with her.  How he wound up at that environmentalist rally, Maria can only guess, but every day since, she’s seen him put all that passion and drive to good use at the plant and into their home.

Maria has every faith Ellie can too, but it’s tough to tell if Ellie takes her words to heart.  She thanks Maria again for the clothes and goes her own way for the rest of the afternoon.

Returning the rejected clothes back to the attic, Maria comes back down to find Tommy pacing and muttering to himself in their bedroom.

Spotting Maria at the foot of the ladder, he grumbles, “We better make sure there’s room for one more at dinner.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“Joel’s old partner showed up after you left today.”

“I seem to recall Joel saying he was done with that line of work.  What’s his partner doing all the way out here?”

“Hell if I know,” he tosses his hands up.  “But they were getting mighty cozy in _my_ office.”

Maria does her best not to roll her eyes, encouraging his attitude, but she can’t help feeling a little exasperated herself.

She takes him by the hands and gives him a peck on the cheek to calm him down.  “They ain’t the only ones who’ve been cozy in that office.”

Tommy makes a face like he’d rather not compare their sex life to his brother’s.  “You know, I always suspected Tess was his type.  Never thought they’d actually –”

“Tommy.”

“Mhmm?”

“It’s not our business.  Besides, weren’t we already trying to make room for one more?”  She raises her brow, and Tommy catches her meaning quick enough.

While they’ve welcomed Joel and Ellie into their home, Maria can’t help but feel they’ve been a distraction from the next big step in their marriage.

“I’d like to get back to that.”

“So would I.”

\----------

Everything looks harsher by the light of day; Tess cringes as she gets out of bed.  Also, she’s _starving_.

She let herself be swept up by the moonlight and Joel’s absurd declaration.  There aren’t many men who’d be so stupid as to admit _that_ after failing to perform, she’ll grant him, but she’s heard it enough not to let it carry her away.

Joel’s her partner, she doesn’t need to complicate matters more than they already have.  Sticking together is practical for now.

Dressed, she goes to the kitchen hoping Joel’s already up and about so they can discuss matters further.  She doesn’t know what the fuck she was thinking.

But the only person she finds is Ellie, reading a comic book at the table with the dog at her feet.

“Where’s Joel?”

“Work,” Ellie answers without looking up.  “They all are.”

“And they just leave you here alone?”

“Usually.”

Tess nods to herself and, since Ellie makes no effort to show her around the kitchen, starts rooting through the cabinets, looking for something to eat.

Finally peeking over the top of her comic, “He was in a particularly good mood this morning.”

The cabinet Tess just opened slams shut a little too loudly.

“Joel’s never in a good mood.”

“Was today,” Ellie says under her breath.

Tess groans as she opens another unhelpful cabinet.  Tersely, “Where the fuck do they hide the fucking food in this house?”

“Pantry,” Ellie points out.

Finding an open box of cereal, Tess digs her hand in and then offers it to Ellie who follows suit.

The edge starts to wear off after a few handfuls, “You really think he was in a good mood this morning?”

Ellie rolls her eyes, “You’d know better than me how frustrated he’s been.”

Tess snorts.  She knew she liked Ellie from their brief acquaintance; she’s smart as a tack and doesn’t put up with bullshit.  Even when she was making gagging faces at dinner, Tess can’t say she blamed her.  Getting along with the girl was never gonna be an issue.

What Tess is less sure of is how much Ellie would appreciate Joel telling her about Ellie’s nightmares; she knows she wouldn’t want strangers nosing around in her personal business like that.  Or how much Ellie wants her around.

Because Tess knows what she witnessed last night and she’s not about to put herself in a position to come between that daddy-daughter bond.  It’s been a long time, but Tess remembers it being as fragile as it was unbreakable.  The adoption will just make Joel and Ellie’s official.

Putting down the comic, “For what it’s worth, I don’t mind you coming to live with us.”

Skeptical, “You don’t?”

She shrugs, “Why would I?”

Though mama’s gotten less critical over the years, Tess’s mind races through her ever-growing list of shortcomings and faults in her character until she comes to the one which prevented her from returning Joel’s declaration.

Admitting, “Cause I’m a no good, heartless homewrecker, that’s why.”

“Wouldn’t be the worst thing we’ve faced.”

Tess blinks, taken aback.

Aside from the giant wound through Joel’s stomach, those months he dropped out of contact are a blank.  Even how he managed to get himself impaled remains a mystery to her.

But it’s the hollowness of Ellie’s voice, which tells Tess what Ellie isn’t saying – that the worst is what haunts her dreams.  That as much as she’d like to, Ellie can’t run away from it.

It’s enough to shame Tess for wanting to run away from something that might make her happy for once too.

Waving a finger, “You just wait til we’re fighting over the bathroom in the morning.”

Ellie cracks a grin, “May the best woman win.”

They chat a while longer, until Ellie declares she’s going for a walk, the dog getting up with her, leaving Tess to her own devices.

Compulsively, Tess finds herself sifting through the mail that’s been left on the table.  She puts Maria’s to the side, but doesn’t extend the same courtesy to Tommy, curious what he’s been up to all these years since he left Boston.

Clearly, he’s made out quite well for himself, getting out from under Joel’s foot.  Though she suspects that’s mostly Maria’s doing.  Still, Tess can’t help but envy that success just a little.

Tossing the mail aside, Tess snoops through the rest of the house.  It should bother her, Tommy’s watching her from a half a dozen pictures on the mantle, but it’s the picture of Sarah that makes the hair on her arms stand on end.

In Tess’s head, Sarah still exists as a child, but beaming at the camera in her graduation robes, Sarah’s a grown woman.

She recalls Joel debating with himself, whether he ought to go to the ceremony, but that was years ago.  Sarah’s likely only grown in responsibleness as well as age.  Probably a far more put together adult than either her or Joel.

Tess’s stomach twists tightly.  She’ll have to meet Sarah again at some point, but this time as more than Joel’s partner.  Last time was still _long_ before she and Joel ever –

It was easy to dismiss what Sarah might think of Joel hooking up with anyone, let alone her, when she was so far removed from her dad.  But now that they’re here, she can’t imagine there’s much which would separate them again.  That daddy-daughter bond stronger than before.

Snapping herself out of it, “To hell with it.”

If Joel’s not bothered by it, neither should she.  She’s got nothing to apologize for.

She may have used Ellie and Sarah as excuses yesterday, but she can’t anymore.

She’ll find a way to make this work, even if it means following the straight and narrow.  She didn’t work her way through college for nothing; she can still put her criminal justice degree and criminal career to use.

For all the faults mama could find, Tess always found a way to kick back; she ain’t gonna stop now.  ‘Contrary’ mama would likely call her; ‘headstrong’ is what Tess thinks.

\----------

It kills Sarah she hasn’t been able to make much time to see dad and Ellie since they back.  The end of the school year is always the worst.

As much as Sarah wants to see dad and Ellie, she’s getting frequent enough updates from all parties to feel like she’s not missing too much.  And when Tess appears out of nowhere, Sarah’s relieved she moved out ages ago, keeping a safe distance from whatever chaos has erupted there.

Tommy calls in a huff one evening.

“Did you know they –?” he cuts himself short.

“I had an inkling, yeah.”

“Okay.  Just wanted to make sure Joel wasn’t springing anything on you.”

“No more than I’ll be springing on him about Andrew.”

“ _You_ still haven’t told him?”

“Like father, like daughter, I guess.”

And it’s not like dad doesn’t know.  He just doesn’t know- _know_.  He’s knows she’s been seeing someone; just not how serious it is or that she and Andrew have moved in together.

Kind of difficult to find the right time to tell him when he’s been on the run for the better part of a year.  Still, she knows she’ll have to come clean eventually.

Unlike him.  Accidentally letting it slip that Tess ‘spent the night’ over one of their phone calls, years ago.

Though truthfully, Sarah suspected something was up long before that.  Either neither of them was cognizant of it, or it was her overactive teenage imagination running wild, but the few times she met Tess, she could’ve sworn there was pining in their looks.

Trying to put Tommy at ease, “Don’t you think it’s long past time dad found himself someone else.”

“I suppose, but _Tess_?”

“I know you’ve never seen eye-to-eye with her –”

Tommy snorts, interrupting.

“You finished?”

“Sorry.”

“But you’ve never exactly seen eye-to-eye with dad either.”

Sighing, “How’d you get to be smarter than the both of us?”

“You don’t want me to answer that.”

“Alright.  Come by soon, Sarah.  I don’t know how much more of your daddy I can take.”

“Just as soon as grades are in,” she chuckles, hanging up the phone.

Sarah tries to return her focus back to the remaining essays, but when two in a row are about the father-daughter dynamic in _A Wrinkle in Time_ and _To Kill a Mockingbird_ , she has to put them back down.

Dad is far from the likes of the upstanding and righteous Atticus Finch, Sarah knows, but it’s still hard not to see him through the same adoring eyes Scout sees Atticus.  Dad put his life on hold for her, gave her everything he had to offer, and still never thought it was enough – that he was enough.

And despite Tommy’s misgivings, Sarah’s glad dad’s found someone; it’s been too long since mom left him, longer still since they likely felt any real affection for each other.  She’s keeping her fingers crossed he doesn’t feel the same need to put aside his own desires for Ellie’s sake.

“Oh Christ,” Sarah gasps.

“What is it?” Andrew asks from the kitchen.

“I’m gonna have to tell dad about mom too.”

There’s a topic worth avoiding as long as possible, if Tommy’s reaction to her reaching out to mom again is any indication of how dad will take it.

Andrew comes around the back of the sofa and kisses the top of her head, “Maybe the news about us will soften the blow.”

She doubts it.  Last time dad and mom were in the same room together, tensions soared to new heights.  They didn’t yell, but she could sense their heated argument from the physical therapist’s office.  Even his courtesy call to tell her they were moving was edged with irritation.

But it’s not worth troubling herself over.  There’ll be plenty of time to talk about mom, and Tess, and Andrew.

For now, he’s wholly focused on Ellie; Sarah wouldn’t distract him from her for the world.

Ellie’s a singular girl and more than a match for dad.  Sarah knew it from the moment she saw Ellie shove him.  Everything else’s just proved her right.

What Sarah didn’t guess was how quickly Ellie would latch onto her too.

Last week, when Sarah was able to make it out to Tommy and Maria’s for dinner, dad told her about his injury.  About how when he was laid up in the hospital, Ellie was left on her own.

He couldn’t say exactly what happened to her, only that it was real bad.  Sarah suspects he doesn’t fully know.

Seeking Ellie out on her own, everything came pouring out.  Holding Ellie as she tried to suppress her tears was the least anyone could’ve done.

“Don’t tell Joel,” she choked.

“I won’t,” Sarah promised.

Dad already carries too much guilt on his shoulders; he doesn’t need to blame himself for what happened to Ellie too.

It weighs heavily in Sarah’s heart all the same; Ellie shouldn’t have to suffer these horrors on her own.  At least Sarah’s sure it wasn’t pity which moved her to call Ellie her sister; she intends to be there for Ellie in whatever way she needs.

Andrew brings her back to the present with the brush of his thumb on her cheek, “What’s on your mind, Sarah?”

“I’m think, the faster I finish grading these papers, the sooner you can come meet my dad and new sister.”

“You’re not afraid they’re gonna try to scare me off?”

Sarah laughs.  Tommy threatened to do just that until he met Andrew; she can’t imagine what dad’ll do.  “If he tries to ambush you, I can deflect with his girlfriend.”

Her phone buzzes on the table as Andrew chuckles nervously.  ‘Dad’ flashes on the screen, his new number in her phone permanently; no more receiving calls from strange area codes.

Answering, “Hey, Andrew and I were just talking about you.  Thought I’d bring him around to Tommy’s for dinner once school’s done, so you could finally meet him.”

“Sounds good.  Hey, baby girl, I got some news.”

“Oh no.”

“Nothing bad.  Promise.”

“Hard to tell from the tone of your voice.”

That elicits a chuckle out of him, “They accepted the offer.  We got the house.”

“So what you’re saying is next dinner’s at yours?”

Another chuckle, “Not quite yet.  Give Ellie, Tess, and me a chance to get settled first.  Besides, it’s pretty small – might be better to keep imposing on your uncle.”

There’s a muffled whack on the other end of the line.

“Which one of them just hit you for your bad attempt at a joke?”

“Ellie.”

Sarah grins, “Tell her ‘hi’ for me.  And I’ll be around again soon.”

He does.  He chuckles at her response but doesn’t relay another message.  Perhaps because she knows it so well herself, but Sarah can sense the warmth of love between them.

Though other people have expressed their concerns to her about dad, about Ellie, about what their relationship means to her; Sarah can’t think of a happier way for their journey to end.

“How many more days until you can file?”

“Eight.  It’s about damn time.”

“Hang in there, dad.  We’ll celebrate right at the new house when all is said and done.”

“Again, I think, you’re overestimating the size of this place.”

Maybe she is, but dad wouldn’t be this excited about it if it wasn’t the perfect place for them.  No more putting his life on hold for anyone else.

\----------

Though Ellie says it doesn’t matter, Joel’s perturbed by the date she wrote on the adoption forms.

“How come you didn’t say anything?”

“We were busy.”

That might be the understatement of a lifetime, but she’s right.  Getting taken into the Fireflies’ custody and barely escaping with the fungus took up quite a bit of their time that day.

Still, Joel means to do something to make up for missing Ellie’s birthday; Sarah’s too.  She’ll protest she’s too old for it, but he’s never missed one of hers until this year.

But there’s no time to do anything for either of them now.  Between filing for adoption, moving into the new house, and work he can barely sit down, though the doctors would likely prefer it if he stopped and took a break now and again.

Once they’ve settled into their new lives, there will be time to rest.  Until then, Joel will keep pushing forward.

Joel’s packing up a few things Maria’s set aside for them, when Tess gets home from the county court, waving an envelope.

Holding it out to him, “If you didn’t love me before, Texas, you certainly will now.”

She’s been holding that over his head since he said it.  Raising a brow, “What’s this?”

“You wanna ruin the surprise?  Open it.”

He tears into the envelope and barely reads through the first line, but he realizes what it is.

“This is a date for a court hearing to prove my suitability to adopt Ellie.”

“I know.”

“It’s _soon_.”

“I _know_.”

Joel hadn’t expected to see a letter like this for months, let alone get a court date even remotely close.  “How’d you –?”

“Pulled some strings at the new gig.  Gonna owe some asshole a few favors down the line, but that doesn’t fucking matter.”

“Tess, I don’t know what to say,” he can barely tear his eyes off the letter.

“Go get your girl,” she squeezes his arm.

Joel catches Tess with a kiss and runs off to tell Ellie the good news.

Of course, now there’s the hearing to agonize over.

He’s sure he can convince them of his financial situation and his health, despite the hole through his stomach.  Even his capability is unlikely to be called into question, the benefit of raising one child already.

What worries Joel is whatever they find in the background check.  He did his best to keep his name and record clean, but there’s no accounting for what else they might find.

He tries to keep calm by reminding himself Tess’s background check went off without a hitch and the most they’ll find is an assault on the drunk bastard that hit him and Sarah.

Tess keeps an ear to the ground for him, just in case.

By the day of the hearing, they’ve still not heard a thing; it makes Joel’s palms sweat.

“Don’t look like such a stiff,” Ellie prods as they wait to be called in.

Joel grimaces and pulls at the neck of Tommy’s suit.  He can’t figure out if it actually doesn’t fit or if it’s just because he’s always found a collar and tie too constricting; after all, he’s pretty certain the last time he wore a suit was at his wedding and look how well that turned out.

Ellie isn’t faring too well in her nice clothes either.  Her neatly brushed hair is already slipping out of its ponytail and her ankles are showing in her too short slacks.

They make quite a pair walking into the conference room.  Joel almost wishes he’d brought a shotgun in case things go the other way, though there’s no way that would speak in his favor.

The proceedings are fucking dry as hell.  Joel reads his statement of intent and the state lawyers review his credentials, without so much as a hiccup.  It’s when they get to Ellie’s file, Joel realizes he hadn’t even thought there might be some reason on her end the adoption wouldn’t go through.

But they condense the contents of her file to a few brief statements for the record.

“Mother: Anna, deceased.  Father: unknown.  Ward of the state, until July of last year, when she went missing, suspected ran away.”

Joel watches Ellie fidget with her sleeve as they do this, not sure if it’s permissible to hold her hand while the assessment is still under way.

The judge finally puts down both their files, “The State of Wyoming finds no reason to reject your submission for adoption.  Unless for any reason you do not give consent, Miss –”

“He has it,” Ellie doesn’t even let him finish.

Nodding, the judge goes on about the finalization process.  Another six months and a few more mandated steps they’ll have to take in order to make it completely official.  But Joel barely hears any of it beyond Ellie making up the year of school she missed.

Whatever clicked with him in that hospital room, holding Sarah in his arms for the first time, clicks again.  And though Ellie’s too big to ever be cradled like that, he already knows there’s no end to what he wouldn’t do for her.

But instead of scooping her up, Ellie throws her arms around him as the judge and lawyers file out.

“Ready to go home, kiddo?”

“You bet.”

Even though it’s still mostly empty, Joel drives them to the new house, relishing the feeling as he pulls up the drive.

Ellie hops out of the truck and down on the porch, surveying the woods and the mountainside; she’ll have plenty of time to accustom herself with them as she did Tommy’s.

Joel joins her, yanking off the tie, finally feeling like he can breathe again.

“Is it everything you’d hoped for?” he dares ask.

“Tough to say.  But you can’t deny that view,” she grins at him.

Joel feels the corners of his mouth pull upward too.  He pulls her in for a quick, one-armed hug then they resume in silence.

After a few minutes, the summer breeze reminds Joel of a promise he made her what feels like a lifetime ago.  But a promise is a promise.

When they return to Tommy’s for the evening and their celebration dinner, Joel pulls Sarah aside.

“You still got that old guitar I gave you?”

Joel thinks it’s a damn shame Sarah never had much of an aptitude for music.  She’s got a lovely singing voice, but she never took to playing the way Joel would’ve liked to share with her.

“Yeah.  Been collecting dust mostly, but I’ve still got it.  Why?”

“Think I finally figured out what to get Ellie for her birthday.”

\----------

It seems everything is falling into place, except her.  There are times Ellie feels content just to be here among Joel’s family, but she’s listless.

She could stave it off at Tommy and Maria’s by wandering the woods, but without Buckley for a traveling companion during the day, it’s somewhat lost its appeal.  Nights are easier, once either Joel or Tess gets home and she has something else to occupy her mind, but Joel’s been getting back even later these days.

The fact of the matter is they spent a year continuously on the move and now it’s weird they’ve been in one place for seventy-four days.

Ellie wouldn’t be counting if everyone else hadn’t been before.

That and she’s got nothing else to do.

She kicks rocks as she walks to the end of the drive to retrieve the mail.  Bills, mortgage applications, credit card spam.  Her heart skips at an envelope addressed to her.

Tossing the other letters on the kitchen counter, Ellie’s pulse slows again.  She should’ve guessed it would be from the Department of Family Services.

Who else would be writing her anyway?  It’s not like anyone else knows she’s here.

Ellie skims the letter enough to get the gist.  Her objection to summer school noted, the state has found her a spot at the local Snake River Canyon Summer Camp, claiming it will ‘acclimate her to her new surroundings and integrate her with her future peers’.

“Cause that’s ever gone well,” she scoffs, leaving it on the table for Joel to look over when he gets home – whenever that is.

She tries picking up where she left off in her umpteenth reread of _Savage Starlight_ , but her eyes gloss over the page to the open door.

Grabbing her backpack, the screen door slams behind Ellie.

If she has to acclimate to her new surroundings, fine.  She’ll go explore the town herself.

They’ve driven through town enough, going back and forth to Tommy and Maria’s, Ellie has the way memorized.  Still, it takes a lot longer by foot.

It’s midafternoon by the time Ellie gets to the corner store; a group of teens loiter outside, wiling the summer away.

Taking a deep breath, Ellie moves toward them, but with every step this feels more like a mistake.  They laugh and joke without a care; Ellie envies them.  And at the same time, knows she would somehow ruin their fun.

She doesn’t know how to interact with other teens, she barely likes other teens.  She’s never understood them, and she doubts they would understand her; not when Ellie hardly understands herself.

Not a moment too soon, Ellie ducks into the corner store.

“Fucking chicken,” she mummers to herself when the door is safely shut.  She didn’t even look over her should to see if any of them glanced her way.

The store is cramped, floor to ceiling odds and ends of just about anything she can think of.

“Guess this is what passes for the local mall,” she mutters.

The cashier stares at Ellie talking to herself but doesn’t say a damn word.

She finds it easy to get lost among the cluttered shelves, searching for anything which might pique her interest.  But it isn’t until her eye lands on the payphone mounted to the wall, Ellie knows what she wants more than anything.

She digs through her pockets for spare change, eventually slamming a couple of dollars down on the counter in exchange for a few quarters.  Dialing the number on the back of the photostrip, Ellie waits for the phone to start ringing.

Nobody’s ever understood her like Riley, even when they were fighting.  She’ll understand why Ellie couldn’t let Marlene have the fungus.  She’ll understand why she left with Joel.  She’ll get it – Ellie knows she will.

Tentatively, Riley picks up, “Hello?”

“It’s me.”

Silence.  Then, “Give me a minute.”

Ellie waits, muffled sounds of movement coming through the speaker.

“Ellie?  You there?”

“Yeah.  I’m here.”

“What the fuck?  Why the fuck are you calling?”

“I needed to talk to you.”

“You wanna talk?  Fine.  Talk.”

Except now that she has Riley on the phone, Ellie’s at a loss; her mouth has gone dry.

Riley huffs, “That’s what I thought.  Because there’s nothing you can say to justify how you betrayed Marlene – betrayed the Fireflies!”

Anger flares in Ellie’s chest.  Hissing into the phone, “They were going to use the fungus to kill hundreds – if not thousands of people!”

“Marlene wouldn’t’ve let it get that out of hand!”

“You don’t know that she could’ve stopped it!”

“She had a plan!  That’s probably more than you have for it.”

Joel gave her back the vial on their way to Wyoming and it’s stayed in her backpack ever since.  There’s no safe way to dispose of it, and knowing what she knows now, Ellie doesn’t think she’ll ever stop carrying it with her.

Standing her ground, “Her plan was wrong, and you know it.”

“So is the government!  And nothing’s ever going to change unless someone does something about it!  And yes, sometimes that means people might get hurt, but it has to be done!”

“Now you sound like Marlene.”

“Well, what did you expect, Ellie?  My parents were Fireflies.  _I’m_ a Firefly.  I believe in the mission and I thought you did too.”

Weakly, “I did – not anymore.”

Riley’s breath hitches, “Then there’s nothing more to talk about.  I can’t believe I thought I –”

Ellie feels the hot tears prick at her eyes as Riley cuts herself off.  This was a mistake.  She never should’ve called.  She should just leave it there and never look back.  But she can’t.

Frustrated, “You remember what you said that day – about fighting for every minute we get together?  I fucking _did_ that.  I’m _still_ doing that, but I guess you’ve given up.  So go ahead.  Go back to Marlene and tell her I fucking called.  I dare you to come find me.”

When Ellie finally stops running her mouth, there’s only dial tone on the other end.  She doesn’t know when the called dropped or if Riley hung up or she just ran out of quarters.

She drops the phone back on the hook and storms out the door, past the group of laughing teenagers.

It’s nearly dark by the time Ellie finally gets home.

Joel’s waiting on the deck for her, “Hey, kiddo.  Where’ve you been?”

“Nowhere,” she mutters, not in the mood to explain what happened.

“Wait here a moment.  I got something for you.”

Ellie’s stomach churns as Joel goes inside for something.  Joel’s already done more than anyone ever has for her; she doesn’t feel like she deserves any of it, especially not now.

Protesting, “Joel, I already told you, you don’t need to make up for missing my birthday –”

She loses her train of thought when Joel comes back out carrying a guitar.

“Thought you wanted to hear me sing, but if you’re not interested then just indulge me.  I’ve been practicing at Sarah’s, but I’m still a bit rusty, mind you.”

He sits on the edge of the porch, lightly tuning the guitar before setting the rhythm.

If his fingers stumble over the strings, Ellie has no way of telling.  It’s not exactly a cheerful tune, but she feels the weight in her heart lifting with every note.

And then Joel’s voice starts rolling like soft thunder, the lyrics washing over Ellie like a summer sun shower.

It takes a few verses for Ellie to understand, but he’s singing about being lost and finding home.

“ _Say it’s here where our pieces fall in place, we can fear ‘cause the feeling’s fine to betray; where our water isn’t hidden, we can burn and be forgiven; where our hands hurt from healing, we can laugh without a reason._ ”

And about them.

“ _’Cause the sun isn’t only sinking fast, every moon in our bodies make shining glass; where the time of our lives is all we have, and we get a chance to say, before we ease away, for all the love you’ve left behind, you can have mine._ ”

Tears well up in her eyes for the second time, but for an entirely different reason.

The end of the song drifts over the mountainside and the tears finally spill down Ellie’s cheeks.

Joel stands and holds out the guitar to her, “I gave this to Sarah a long time ago, but she never got much use out of it.”

“You gonna teach me how to play?”

“That’s the idea, if you’re willing to learn.”

Ellie reaches out to pluck the strings.  She’d never thought much of learning before, but the deep hum resonates in her bones.

Meeting Joel’s gaze, “Where do we start?”

Joel smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Song credit: Iron & Wine "Call It Dreaming"


End file.
